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The Oral Sex Guide For Men and Women
Advanced Cunnilingus Techniques and Secrets
Introduction
The best part of sex, in my far-from-humble opinion, is the pleasure you can cause in your partner(s).
While being stimulated by your partner is certainly far better (for most people, if their partner's any good at it) than masturbation, it is still pretty much the same, only better.
Going down on a lover, on the other hand, allows you to get a kind of pleasure that you cannot give yourself, even in part; the vicarious or empathic response you get from their reactions.
The techniques here, therefore, are centered around cunnilingus, including (since there's no separate name) using your fingers. Along a similar line I've now written Advanced Fellatio Techniques and Secrets. This was learned as a subject, not performer, but with the same quality of skill involved. Because of the number of questions I received on the subject, I also have Advanced Anal Sex Techniques, for those who want to know about that.
Basic Guidelines:
"Less" is always the best way to start out if you don't know exactly what a specific person likes. It's much safer to build up from "not enough" than to try to back down after shattering the mood by being too rough. The final argument to ensure that you always apply this rule is this -- If you start out "too" gentle/slowly, in most cases this just excites your lover more, even in the rare cases that it frustrates her a little. But if you start out "too" rough for her, it almost always turns her off to the whole thing.
The differences between women cannot be emphasized enough -- no matter what you have encountered so far, always assume that you have no idea what a new partner enjoys. It is entirely possible to have had many lovers, and think
A. They are all pretty much the same or
B. You've learned all of the variations, and can tell who's what.
But this can be (and usually is) just a matter of random chance...you happened to get several similar lovers.
Eventually you will run into someone, or many people, who are completely different than those you've known before.
Don't start by going down on her. Work your way up to it. Exceptions may be if you're in a hurry before your Press Secretary shows up, or other situations where you're expected to act more directly. It's worth observing that "work your way up to it" remains true no matter how many times you've been with that lover. With a long-term lover it may seem like you can get right to the direct stuff, but working your way up still has the same effect of increasing her excitement, with most women.
Along the same line of reasoning, don't start licking her clitoris immediately, when you do get there. Start with the area around it, which can be pretty sensitive with some women, even if it doesn't seem to cause the same dramatic response.
Even more important is to not immediately start inserting fingers in her vagina. With most women, that really needs to be built up, first. It usually doesn't hurt to build up a little, even if she's already excited.
Remember this -- Most often, the tongue works best with the clitoris, the fingers with the vagina/g-spot. Someone else's fingers on her clitoris tends to be a little rough, no matter how careful they are...and almost all of the excitement she gets from attempting to lick into her vagina is psychological; she can't really feel much that way.
Hand Care: It's best to be sure your fingernail edges are very smooth, and preferably cut all the way down to where they connect to your skin. No matter how careful you are, they are likely to cause her to get a little sore inside, or even really hurt, feeling like a knife cutting her. This can even be the cause of soreness that she doesn't realize is being caused by your nails. Being a guitarist, I have the nails on my left hand trimmed back as far as I can cut them, anyway. Guitar also gives one's fret-hand amazing endurance and finesse, for g-spot stimulation and other tricks.
Dental Dams: These are, in most cases, just plain silly. Unlike almost any other form of sexual activity, the odds of you transmitting or catching AIDS this way are almost zero. There are almost no cases of any female homosexuals, for instance, even claiming to have caught AIDS this way. In case you're wondering what the hell I'm talking about, a "dental dam" is simply a condom cut in half lengthwise and used to keep fluids from passing between mouth and vulva. And it's being advocated primarily by people who are simply jealous that they're missing out on a great chance to be a "victim" in the issue of sexually transmitted diseases.
Interesting note -- A little noise on your part usually doesn't hurt, and sometimes it helps.
Some women are very hung up on cunnilingus, determined to believe that, no matter how much you say otherwise (and she claims to believe you), it may be at least a little unpleasant for you. If you're excited by her responses, or by the act itself, don't try to stay quiet about it. The same kind of sounds that will reassure and excite a lover when they're pleasuring you will often work when you're pleasuring them, too. This could be considered a secret weapon in sex in general, because most guys are rather quiet, and yet women almost always find responsiveness very exciting. The contrast between someone who's responsive and most of the other guys makes it even more effective than it would already have been.
More Advanced Techniques
The G-Spot
This does exist. And in over half of the women out there, it works better than anything else you can do to cause a strong, prolonged orgasm. The original name is the Grafenberg spot, after a doctor, Earnest Grafenberg, who documented the area (which may have been known by people here and there throughout history) in the fifties.
This "spot" is a small "mound" of tissue inside the vagina, between a penny and quarter in size, which responds to being pressed upon. It's almost certainly not the skenes glands, (which are located around the urethra, which is behind the G-spot area), as has been suggested by a few people. In fact, the G-Spot is the tissue in that raised area of the vagina, which has a higher concentration of sexual nerves, and produces hormones similar to those made by the male's prostate gland.
A sort of map to the area -- Imagine your lover lying on her back, legs spread. Your position is between her legs. You would slide a finger inside her vagina, palm up. With your finger straight back, middle finger is best, you would curve it toward yourself, gently, as if you were gesturing to someone to "come here". In doing so, the area you press on should be pretty near her "G-Spot" area. If you know enough to follow the urethra (the tube that leads from the bladder to where the pee comes out), along the inside of her vagina, you may feel a slight swelling (if she's excited) at the point where the g-spot is.
She must be excited, especially if either you or she is new to the g-spot, for the g-spot to have any real effect at all. It's not the ideal area for getting your lover aroused.
But when she is excited, this area (more often than not) is the best way to bring her to orgasm. You work your way back to it gradually, teasing her (typically, this works best) with your fingers, slowly and gently. It's easier to hit the right area with two fingers, but this may not be comfortable for her, depending on how "tight" she is at that moment. When you have your fingers around the right area, try gently pressing, not too quickly. The movement should be fairly rhythmic. It's typically best if you're licking her clitoris (or near it, depending on the woman) at the same time...don't make a big deal out of the "quest", this will often make her feel self-conscious, or distracted. The licking should seem to be the primary activity.
When you find the right area, she should respond by getting more excited. Most of the vagina's inside surface isn't really that sexually sensitive, believe it or not...most of the excitement of randomly inserting fingers is more psychological than from the actual stimulation.
While more complicated techniques work with some women, some of the time, the best basic technique, upon finding the g-spot, is to continue to slowly, rhythmically press on it, while licking her clitoris (for a few women, the labia (lips) are sensitive to licking, too).
This should cause her to build up to an orgasm.
A G-Spot orgasm is different (always, when it works at all) than any other kind women have. It is possible, with some women, to have different qualities and kinds of orgasms from vaginal, clitoral, anal, and even breast stimulation...but with other women, those kinds of orgasms are all pretty much the same. But the G-Spot orgasm not only feels different; it also causes her body to react in a different way.
First, it often causes a "push out" orgasm. The area around, or "above" (farther inside, that is) your fingers seems to swell up or to contract toward the opening of her vagina.
if you find the right combination of pushing back when this happens, and slacking off to let it push out, you can cause (in perhaps half of the women) her orgasm to continue happening, long after normal ones would have subsided. In some women you can even keep her at a "plateau" (raised level) of sexual excitement, like a prolonged orgasm (or a little less than one) afterward, building up to an even bigger climax. I've managed to keep this pattern of build-up, orgasm, plateau, orgasm, build-up, orgasm for over four hours, with one lover. We stopped when, though she wanted to go on, she was so exhausted that she really had to stop.
That brings me to another important point; G-Spot orgasms sometimes (less than half of the women, I'd guess, and in some of those women only occasionally) causes a huge amount (relatively speaking) of lubrication (juices, wetness)...far more than even the most excited woman gets from "conventional" stimulation. It's a good thing, too, because otherwise g-spot orgasms can only be prolonged for as long as she does not get raw/sore from it...which is yet another reason to be gentle.
When that extra wetness combines with the push-out orgasm, you get actual ejaculation...like a guy, but much better tasting. The built up juices can shoot out in such volume that you, or she, may be afraid that she lost control of her bladder. That is (almost always) not what happened. The fear that she peed can be enhanced by the fact that the urethra is behind the g-spot, so that in rare cases the woman can sometimes get the feeling that she needs to pee, even though she does not.
In reality, in both men and women, enough sexual excitement prevents peeing, unless you try really hard. This is a built-in reflex, because urine is something of a spermicide. The "pee hard-on" that men get in the morning is partially his body taking advantage of this reflex, to keep him from accidentally wetting the bed with the urine that built up while he was sleeping.
Use These Oral Sex Tips and Techniqes to Blow Your Man's Mind
It is no secret that men enjoy fellatio immensely, but sometimes women underestimate the importance of this. Okay, some of you women may get angry with me for this next statement, but it is a reality that women must face. If you do not give your man oral sex, the chances are very great that he will get it elsewhere. It is one of his most basic sexual needs. There is probably nothing that would make your man happier than oral sex on a regular basis. If you provide this for him, you will be irresistible to him.
Why is fellatio so important to a man? The penis is the most sensitive and vulnerable part of the man’s body. A male’s identity is strongly associated with his penis. His semen is like a rare nectar that he wants to give to you as a gift. It makes your man feel loved, accepted and received when you give him oral sex. When you refuse it, he feels rejected. One of the best ways to show your man how much you love him and keep his eyes from wandering is to give him fellatio.
If you have an aversion to fellatio, it would be wise to seek someone to discuss this with, unless your partner feels the same way and it is not an issue in the relationship. There may be many reasons why you don’t like to give oral sex that can be overcome. You may feel it is disgusting or dirty, or you may feel used or disrespected. You may view it unconsciously as something that bad girls do. These are some of the inaccurate messages that women receive growing up and sometimes they become internalized. By talking these things out with a professional, perhaps you can undo the conditioning and learn to enjoy oral sex.
It may also be helpful to try and think about how much you love your man, how sweet and precious he is to you, as you give him fellatio. Try to see the penis as an extension of who he is. Show him how much you love and adore him, how very special he is, by focusing on pleasuring his penis. If it is the flavor that is distasteful to you, you can try drinking a tasty warm tea prior to sex, or brushing your teeth immediately before for the nice minty aftertaste it leaves in your mouth. Another option is to coat the penis with something flavorful or to suck on a breath mint while performing. If it is the semen that is disliked, you can try keeping a glass of your favorite tasty beverage nearby to drink afterwards, or keep the breath mint in your mouth during and after ejaculation.
Men, you can help your woman become more willing by making sure you are fresh and clean. You also need to show your lover respect and appreciation for her act. Assure her that you love and respect her before and after fellatio. This should be the case in every relationship, but for the reluctant women a little extra effort will be required. If you have an aversion to cunnilingus, all the above can be applied to you as well, to help you find it more enjoyable.
Simply performing the motions of oral sex is not enough, one must be effective and know their woman’s or man’s secret buttons. One must also enjoy it. It is an incredible turn on for both men and women to see the delight in their lover’s face and actions as they pleasure them or to hear their moans of enjoyment. Pay attention to your lover’s body language and read their signals. Adjust your pressure, speed, direction and rhythm according to their desires and preferences.
A favorite approach for the man is to lie between the man’s legs while he is on his back propped up on a pillow so he can watch, or kneel on the floor between his legs while he stands above you. To really drive your man wild, look him in the eyes occasionally as you’re going up and down his shaft. Delight in your lover’s penis. Worship it. Show how much you enjoy it with moans of pleasure and desire. Use your hands, tongue and lips. Alternate between stroking with your hand and stroking with your mouth. While stroking with your hand, suck, kiss or lick his head. Run your tongue up and down the length of his shaft, then caress and roll the testicles around tenderly with your tongue. The most sensitive areas of the penis are on the underside and along the coronal ridge, which is along the edges of the head.
Caress his shaft and head with your mouth, then engulf his head with your mouth and slide down to the base. Take it all in, baby! Every now and then tell him how beautiful his penis is and how much you love it. It may be very enjoyable to your man if you allow him to hold onto your head while you deep throat him or perhaps pull your hair a little bit. Not mean and vicious pulling, but down and dirty pulling. It can also be very arousing for the woman to have her hair pulled. It brings out the animal in both sexes.
Once down to the base, pull out to the tip nice and slow with deep suction, then go back down again. Increase your pace with each dive. It can provide exquisite pleasure for your man to rub his anus or insert your finger in his anus while you are licking and sucking him.
Very Important Oral Sex Tip When Pleasuring Your Man
When pleasuring your man it is very important to know that you should swallow at least part of the time! It can be insulting and is usually a turn off for your man if you act repulsed by his semen. It is a loving gift to delight in your partner’s ejaculation by swallowing, or at other times, a fun alternative can be to watch the ejaculation shooting in various places such as on your breasts, face, buttocks, abdomen or wherever you prefer and then rubbing and caressing the semen on one another. Once he has come, it can be very pleasurable for some men to continue sucking and licking him tenderly while he is soft.
You will keep your man very satisfied and happy if you provide him with spontaneous unexpected oral sex. Give him a surprise wake up call in the morning by slipping between his legs, or wake him up from a nap with a little oral delight, or while he’s watching football or driving the car. Nothing will make your man happier than you being his little cockhound. Keeping your man satisfied and surprised with oral pleasure will keep him faithful, devoted and enchanted by you.
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JOKE OF THE MOMENT A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!" |
